sleepingintherain

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.view... ALEX FUCKING CARLSON

okay so i dont forget here are my thirteen statements and who which ones are about etc and im posting them here because this is "secret" or whatever.

1. i think it might be time you got over yourself a little bit. - rose
2. i'm SO SO SO glad things are better between us now, you have no idea! - marleigh
3. i miss you a lot! we need to have another long phone conversation! - eytan
4. you confuse me. - nell
5. having one lesson with you really isnt enough! -georgie
6. thursday afternoons with you are the best! -gaby
7. i miss getting really really hyper with you all the time! i hope you know i still think of you as one of my best ever friends. - niki
8. what can i say? without you i'm not me. - miriam
9. stop showing off ye olde riches! its not going to win you many friends. - india
10. your so fun and you have the most infectious laugh ever. - karishma
11. you really should stop shaving your head. its not a good look. - damien/josh style
12. god you are so funny, i dont think ive ever met anyone so weird. -i dont actually remember who this one was about!
13. i hardly ever talk to you anymore! Sorry! - ella

right and these are marleighs, with my guesses:

1. i dont think i could actually put into words how i feel about you. i love you so so much...but you infuriate me. you understand stuff that not many other people do but you make me feel claustrophobic. - either me or leah?
2. well, life would be wayyy less fun without you, me and our...lessons together. arses, skunk fur...its all the same to us. you know i love you and you know who you are. ;) - definitely geno
3. im glad stuffs better again. its good to have u back. i mean that. - ella i think
4. you arent a real friend. i just message you and talk to you cos you start it. and maybe i use you. you are a nice person though. - i have no idea.
5. you....are possibly one of my brightest things!! i love you a fuck of a lot and i know it doesnt really matter when stuf gets fucked up cos to be honest, i think we're stuck with each other for life! we're too good together. - i dont know either.
6. your always just..there. i like you, sometimes i really really have amazing times with you, but i think you judge me. plus your too full of yourself somtimes. - maybe niki, maybe not
7. I FUCKING HATE YOU AND YOU NEED TO GET OVER YOURSELF COS TO BE HONEST, WE DONT CARE. but..because of you i got someone back so....yeah you can go now :) - definitely india
8. you are a horrible bitch and i will prove you wrong. i will. i hate you. you deserve to be publically humiliated so that you know how everyone else feels. - maybe rose. im not sure.
9. i dont know where stuff is with us. i love you so so so much, it hurts. you mean so much to me and we've shared so much but....i dont know.....sometimes i think maybe its over. im a burden and you make me feel guilty. maybe stuf'll work out, but maybe it wont. people change. i'll always care though. all the stuff i say to you, i mean it. - lora i think
10. hehehehe what would i do without you? i think of you and i smile :) your my happy one but you make stuff fun. :) -i dont know
11. im so so so glad to be friends now. your lovely and fabulous and i love ya!!! - ella/rosa or someone else?
12. you. you confuse me. you just...yeah its confusing. my last resort? but your very sweet and funny...its hard...maybe...maybe not.  - jasper i think
13. last one...hmmmm....i like you...i care a lot about you. i have a lot to thank you for and your always there and your one of my biggest supports...when we're properly talking. i dont know...but thanks for..stuff. it does help and i know you care. thanks. - no idea.

 they make me SO paranoid. especially marleighs one because i love her so much and she means so much to me and i think it would actually destroy me inside if i was one of those ones she hated.

YES MY MCFLYERS CAME. I thought they forgot but no! They are here! So happy now.

anyway yeah. i'm feeling a tad strange. i've realised that even though this is my favourite journal to write in i cant even write in it anymore because its not private. and a certain person reads it and probably passes almighty judgement.

but whatever.

i'm so fucking BORED. of everything. of life. i need to meet someone new, i need to have fun. i need to get away from everything here! I've realised im being quite two faced over a particular subject lately. But I cant help it because that is how i really feel i am in two different places with it. i just cant make up my mind what to do because i only have two options. and i cant talk to anyone because everyone is biased for different reasons! So i am completely alone on this one. Except I can talk to Faye about it because somehow she seems to understand!

i'm living in so many different worlds lately. its actually crazy. theres school world, and jew world [haha.] and jon world and dream world.

 Actually school world itself divides into quite a few other different worlds. There's School World 1: Form A which is my world with my clique as i suppose you would call it, then School World 1: Form B which is my world when im with bella april millie etcc. Then theres School World 2 which is when im with the peeps from L5J, and then theres School World 3 which is when im with the peeps from L5F!! which isnt very often but what the hell.

Jew world is, to be honest, when im with my jews. joelle faye leah miriam etcc. oh and alex. oh dear, i think im starting to get a thing for alex. uh oh. WHICH IS WHY MY JEW WORLD IS SLOWLY DIVIDING ITSELF AGAIN. not yet, but it will soon.

jon world is when im with jon. i'm a completely different person when im talking to him, or when im with him. its so different it's insane. i'm a whole new me. well not new. just different. I HATE DIFFERENT.

dream world is the best world. its where i can do/be/have anyone or anything i could possibly want to. i love it.

i'm feeling so messed up at the moment but in a completlely new way. its not a messed up like it was a little while ago which was this whole "OMG NOTHING IS GOING RIGHT I MIGHT AS WELL DIE NOW BECAUSE EVERYONE HATES ME" because i dont think everyone does hate me anymore. I think most things are better now. god to think this whole emotionally weird journal entry came from something as petty as a myspace bulletin that probably didnt mean anything! I'm quite pathetic really aren't i. things are so strange. life itself is just.

and to think i'm still completely obsessed with the fact that a YY baby could be born?

whats going on, i dont know i dont care.

love x