sleepingintherain

I havent written in here for quite a while.

I love the Bright Eyes song, A line allows progress, a circle does not. I think its amazing.
I'm going to Limmud pretty soon. I will see Jon, and I hope that he'll be happy with me. I hope I will be good enough.

I made him a post secret. I might post it on here one day.
There are some problems going on with everyone around me at the moment, but not particularly with me. But I guess they are with me, because they are with the people I care about and therefore with me.

Leon is hitting Miriam again. I hate him so much. He's such a fucking cunt. he doesnt deserve to be anywhere near Miriam or her mum, they are such amazing people, hes a piece of shit. Miriam is so perfect.
He is driving her away from everything. She is seriously considering moving to Sweden. That is how bad its got.
He hit her on the head with a metal saucepan, and then called her an evil bitch and various other things. I hate him. I hate him. I wish he would just leave them alone.
She is amazing. She is perfect. She is everything. I wont be able to survive if she moves to Sweden. I'll die.

Marleigh is getting worse. It's as simple as that.

Lora isn't eating anymore. It's so awful. It was hard enough with Marleigh, but now Lora too? I cant take it.
i cant take them both starving themselves
i cant take him hitting her
i cant take hating myself
i cant take wanting to be in his arms and never actually being in them.
i cant take all this waiting for everything to get better, when it never does. and i cant take all this waiting for a meaning which never comes.

Sometimes I wonder if it really is worth my while.

Are they worth my while, is it all worth it. Oh fuck it. I dont make sense.

I'm in such a mess.

I've got to stop relying on Jon's voice to make it better.

I have to learn to solve my own problems.

I need to accept things.

Love always,

Livi xxxxxxxx