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So, I just read his LJ and apparently my letter to him made him realise how much he's lost from love, and how much he wants it back. I dont really understand this, how am I supposed to interperate it? Help?
It's really confusing. I feel bad, because even though Carrie's really nice and all, I cant help but actually hate her deep down because if it wasn't for whatever she's done to Jon, he would be able to love me like I love him...and that hurts to know. She made him lose all depth and meaning and love, and he cant get it back. and i wish he would. i love him more than anything.




i know this is really unfair to say but i dont care

i hate the fact that she has him.

i hate the fact that she's on the phone to him right now

i want him so much...

i love him too much to bear.

and i sent him that stupid fucking letter, and he...he liked it.

and i dont understand!

and i love him and he's hurting me more than he could ever imagine and he doesnt even know it.



Arent I an idiot?

guess what. carrie added me on msn, and hastened to tellme that jon told her that i was a mistake and i meant nothing to him.

this took a while to sink in, but i dont know why i kidded myself that he gave a shit about me

im such a waste of space.

i wish i could just dissapear.

i love jon and jon loves me
i love jon and jon cares for me
i love jon and jon wants me
i love jon and jon loves her.