sleepingintherain

So you buried all your lover's clothes, and burnt the letters lover wrote, but it doesnt make it any better, does it make it any better? And the plaster dented from your wrist in the hall where you had your first kiss reminds you that these memories will fade.

Pfft, I'm not Emo, but I'll always love Dashboard Confessional. I just cant help it x

I swear that I could go on forever, again...
Please let me know, that my one bad day, will end.
I will go down, as your lover, your friend.
Give me your lips, and with one kiss, we begin.

Are you afraid of being alone? 'Cause I am.
I'm lost without you.
Are you afraid of leaving tonight? 'Cause I am.
I'm lost without you.

I'll leave my room open till sunrise, for you.
I'll keep my eyes patiently focused, on you.
Where are you now? I can hear footsteps...I'm dreaming.
And if you will keep me from waking, to believe this.

Are you afraid of being alone? 'Cause I am.
I'm lost without you.
Are you afraid of leaving tonight? 'Cause I am.
I'm lost without you.
Are you afraid of being alone? 'Cause I am.
I'm lost without you.
Are you afraid of leaving tonight? 'Cause I am.
I'm lost without you.
Are you afraid of being alone? 'Cause I am.
I'm lost without you.
Are you afraid of leaving tonight? 'Cause I am.
I'm lost without you.
I'm lost without you.
I'm lost without you.
I'm lost without you.
I'm lost without you.
I'm lost without you.

God, I never thought these lyrics would be relevant to me. But I guess they are.
I wish I didnt love him this much, and I wish it didnt hurt so much to know that I'm not going to see him for so long.

But I'm going to stop writing this because I realise how pathetic I really sound.

Whatever. i need someone right now but no ones here.

someone call me tonightx

I can tell when i'm sinking, because how it starts is when music doesn't affect me anymore.

and then all i can do is wait.

Today has been shit right from the start.

I just dont feel proper anymore.

I dont feel like I'm really here, like theres anything keeping me here, that nothing needs me here.

I dont know where I'm going.

Nothing is making sense. Nothing at all. Especially not me.

I just want to dissapear. Somewhere new.

Loveisnotenoughx

Today I was with Miriam, Marleigh, Lora and Ollie.

I was only supposed to be with Miriam, but Ollie texted me saying he really really wanted to see me...and I felt evil to say no.. but I also felt bad incase Miriam didnt want to see Ollie...so I was torn between! But in the end we saw him after we'd had a little time together first. He was with Lora and Marleigh, which was good because I hadnt seen Lora for ages and I hadnt seen Marleigh since we tried to flush the battery down the toilet.

Not sure whats going on with this whole Ollie thing at the moment, but whatever. I dont really care to be honest. He wouldnt try anything, and if he did, I'd tell him nicely that I love him SO much, but as a friend.. but he wont try anything, so it doesnt matter.

Today was fun though. I tried to get Ollie not to smoke, but then I started talking about his feelings for Niki {fucking stupid of me I know} and he started smoking and I said "No dont" and he said "You started talking about my feelings for Niki, I cant help it" and I said "I'm sorry" and he just looked really sad, so I gave him a huge hug, and I said "I'm really sorry." and he said "its alright" and it was all really nice and meaningful. I love moments like that.

Today there was all this stuff reminding me of Jon, it was crazy...stuff like this stupid book that had loads of depressing songs in it (dont ask) and two of them were Love will Tear us Apart and Hurt...and I was just like argh stop making me think of Jon! and then there was donnie darko everywhere and it was just like argh! because every time i think of him or see something that reminds me of him it just makes me miss him even more.it sucks.

i think i'm finally starting to understand Vienna...but I'm not sure...maybe I just got the wrong impression again, it probably means so much more than i imagine it too.

loveisnotenoughx

       Need more friends with wings
       All the angels I know
       Put concrete in my veins
       I’d always walk home alone
       So I became lifeless
       Just like my telephone
        
       
       

        
        There’s nothing to lose
       When no one knows your name
        There’s nothing to gain
        But the days don’t seem to change
             

       
       Never played truth or dare
       I’d have to check my mirror
       To see if I’m still here
       My parents had no clue
       That I ate all my lunches
       Alone in the bathroom
        
             

       There’s nothing to lose
       When no one knows your name
       There’s nothing to gain
       But the days don’t seem to change
       There’s nothing to lose
       My notebook will explain
       There’s nothing to gain
       And I can’t fight the pain
               

       Teach us that it’s just a phase
 When I grow up my children
Will probably do the same
       Kids just love to tease
       I know it put me under ground
       At seventeen
        
       There’s nothing to lose
       When no one knows your name
       There’s nothing to gain
       But the days don’t seem to change
       There’s nothing to lose
       My notebook will explain
There’s nothing to gain
       And I can’t fight the pain
       There’s nothing to lose
       When no one knows your name
       There’s nothing to gain
       But the days don’t seem to change
       There’s nothing to lose
       When no one knows your name
       There’s nothing to gain
       And I just died today
             

       Wow, I havent listened to Billy Talent in too long. 
      Today I woke up and everything was grey.
     And it hasnt changed much, 
   today isnt a very good day at all.       

       I just want to feel safe again. 
   I dont trust myself or anyone else anymore.        

       And it hurts.       

Okay, what on earth? I didnt think he was this serious or anything, this is just getting slightly strange.

[23:46:30] Mcnash rule!: i think cos we feel the same about stuff so
           much an everything.. cos we are going through exactly the
           same things... we should meet up somewhere quiet an make
           out for a few hours
[23:46:42] :[McNash for: hehe
[23:46:57] Mcnash rule!: *is not joaking*
[23:47:09] :[McNash for: come on
[23:47:13] :[McNash for: like youd want to make out with ME.
[23:47:21] Mcnash rule!: i would make out with you
[23:47:30] :[McNash for: yeah right
[23:47:35] :[McNash for: im hideousss
[23:47:40] :[McNash for: id burn your eyes or something
[23:47:42] Mcnash rule!: lol.. would you like to place a bet on it?
[23:47:51] :[McNash for: i have no money.
[23:47:53] :[McNash for: at all.
[23:47:55] Mcnash rule!: lol
[23:48:02] Mcnash rule!: well.. i would make out with you.
[23:48:14] :[McNash for: you say that now...but if it ever came to
           it...you wouldnt.
[23:48:26] Mcnash rule!: lol i will the next time i see you.
[23:48:42] :[McNash for: but you wouldnt though
[23:48:47] :[McNash for: youd get Very put off.
[23:48:53] Mcnash rule!: no i wouldent
[23:48:56] :[McNash for: yeah you would
[23:48:58] :[McNash for: youd see me and run
[23:48:59] :[McNash for: run
[23:49:01] :[McNash for: run far away
[23:49:12] Mcnash rule!: lol do i really have to proove it to you?
[23:49:17] :[McNash for: lol
[23:49:18] :[McNash for: no
[23:49:22] :[McNash for: i just dont beleive you.
[23:49:29] Mcnash rule!: well then..
[23:49:30] Mcnash rule!: i will
[23:49:34] Mcnash rule!: jsut to proove i would
[23:49:50] :[McNash for: but isnt that going to be slightly strange
[23:49:53] :[McNash for: and marleigh would be
[23:49:54] :[McNash for: like
[23:49:55] :[McNash for: MEGA
[23:49:56] :[McNash for: UBER
[23:49:57] :[McNash for: SUPER
[23:50:00] :[McNash for: JEALOUS.
[23:50:06] Mcnash rule!: she wouldent have to know
[23:50:12] :[McNash for: she has spies.
[23:50:18] :[McNash for: shes friends with the pigeons.
[23:50:25] :[McNash for: they watch things for her.
[23:50:37] Mcnash rule!: lol

what the hell. so confused here.